Darkness
by seddierox13
Summary: 'He's gone. And he won't ever be back. Never. But you know a way to be with him forever.And a way to get rid of the pain that is stabbing you so hard you can barely breathe. That's the only way.' An alluring Seddie fic. Contains suicide. M for safety.


**Hey, guys! I now I should be focusing on my other stories, but I have a MAJOR writer's block, so I posted this one-shot. I hope you'll like it! I wrote the basic plot in 10 minutes during English class cuz it was our assignment to write a short story. I jsut wanted to post it, but it wasn't as descriptive as this edited one is. So, I hope you enjoy it! Review!**

You wake up to the light of the sun shining through the window. You turn around expecting to feel his warm hands around your waist, to see his peaceful smile plastered on his geeky face (which you love so much) as he is dreaming, to feel his smell filling your nostrils, to feel the warmth of his body laying so close beside yours. But instead, there's nothing. He's gone.

The space where you're expecting to see him is empty. The white pillow next to yours is as neat as it could be (as if it was never touched). There is no messy brown hair outspread across it, or a puppy dog look in his matching chocolate brown eyes to go with it. You stare at the emptiness beside you. Somehow, you can't understand what's happening. _It's all so strange, _you think (the confused look in your eyes gave you away). _Why isn't he here with me? _You keep thinking._ He's always there for me, so what's his excuse? _(oh, if you could only remember). It's hard. You didn't take it in quite yet. You still don't get it, because it's hard. It's so freaking hard! (your brain doesn't accept it) _Why isn't he here? He's supposed to be here... _And you drift off crying. But the moment you open your eyes, you remember everything.

That day. The pain. The blood. The tears. The road. The screaming. The smile he had while he looked at you, one last time (not a grin, not a smirk, a smile). You now know that you'll never see that smile again. And you regret it. You regret the fact that you made him buy you an ice-cream. He went across the street, completely clueless, and you screamed his name (sadly, not loud enough). He wasn't careful like his mom taught him to be. It was all because he was trying to make someone happy, yet again. Why does he have to be that nice? (because he always was) For him, the others were always before. _If, for once, he didn't listen to me, if he wasn't trying to make me happy, none of this would ever have happened. Maybe if didn't ask him in the first place.. _

You start hitting the perfectly neat pillow beside you (the one that he used to sleep on). _He's supposed to be here. He's supposed to hold me in his safe arms. But no! He wasn't careful enough. And it was all my fault... _You are filled with disappointment as the new wave of salty fresh tears start streaming down your flushed burning cheeks. You clutch his pillow hard to your stomach, wrapping your shaking arms around it. You proceed sobbing so hard that the whole building you live in is able to hear it (but you don't really care). All that was ever good in your life was gone. And that is all that matters right now. You finally come to think of the realization that you will never see him again (not him, not his smile, not his eyes, not ever). _Why did it have to be this way?_

You know that eventually you're gonna have to face the consequences of the loss. But right now, crying seems like the perfect way to get rid of the pain (though you now it won't ever go away). You get lost in your tears, almost forgetting what exactly you were crying about. But, no. Those kinds of things cloud not ever be forgotten. It is like a tattoo that cannot be removed (a tattoo on your heart). It hurts like hell when it's getting done, but the pain slowly fades away, though it's always there, no matter how much you try to get rid of it. Cause with every heart beat, you miss him more than you let yourself acknowledge (because if you did, you'd be torn in pieces).

Your loud, thumping, screams echo through your bedroom, but are slowly starting to fade away, as you finally catch your breath, and calm down. Your breathing also slows down, as you close your eyes, letting the last few tears escape on the pillow (which was not neat anymore, but wet and crumpled in your weak arms). These kinds of awakenings have been going on for a long time (damn, you don't even know how long) and you know that they wouldn't go away soon. It is too much. Too much for you to handle (your love for him is too big). No, you cannot take this pain anymore. You have to do something about it.

You turn around to your nightstand where there's a picture of you two together. He's hugging you from behind with his chin on top of your head (you both are grinning widely). You trace your index finger over his face, his oh-so-perfect hair, and that warm bright smile (you know you won't ever see it again). You laugh at yourself (yes, you actually laugh) because he's so perfect. He's nice, he's cute, he's good, he would do anyting for anyone because that's just who he is (was). You don't get why he was ever in love with you (the total opposite of perfect).

You wish he was here (oh-so-badly), you wish you could see him (oh-so-clearly), you wish you could touch him (ever-so-slightly), you wish you could ask him why he was in love with you (oh-so-slyly), you wish this is just a nightmare (oh-so-much), you wish you could dance with him (ever-so-gracefully), and look him in the eyes... (oh-so-deeply)

But you can't.

Because he's not here.

He's gone.

And he won't ever be back.

Never.

But you know a way to be with him forever. And a way to get rid of the pain that is stabbing you so hard you can barely breathe. That's the only way. You know he would never want you to do this to yourself (but he's not here). You smile at your ceiling for no particular reason (except the one in which your pain will go away). You smile so briefly that it was hardly noticeable (because you found the answer).

Slowly crawling out of your bed, you make your way to the building's stairs and climb up to the roof. As you open the door, a dash of cold air rushes towards your face and you inhale deeply. It's cold outside (but it shouldn't bother you, considering what you're about to do). You look around and see roofs of other buildings, too. You take one step closer to the edge of the roof, humming softly to the tune of a song so familiar, but yet so distanced in your memory. The wind has already dried the tears of your face.

You take one more step closer.

_Don't do this, Sam. _You hear his voice in your head (you already faced the fact that you're an insane person and this doesn't surprise you as it should). ''I have to.'' you whisper to no one. _Please don't. ''_I wanna be with you..'' You continue arguing with the perfect voice inside your head.

Two steps.

_I'm begging you._

One more.

_Don't do this to yourself_. He kept on. Your heart picks up a pace (because this isn't easy to do). You're broken. You feel miserable. You're nothing without him. You don't want this kind of life; getting up, wondering where he is, and then bursting into tears, thinking about him the whole day and crying every few minutes. That's not a real life. You started building walls around yourself and you're not letting anyone in. You're isolated. You know you won't ever be ready to move on. Continuing to live like this would exhaust you (which is why you have to do this).

You take the last step and your bare feet are on the edge. You inhale the cool air and smile (you're going to be happy). His voice faded away as you prepare for your last words. You imagine yourself with him at the fire escape, you're dancing. Then, you pronounce the three words you didn't get a chance to say to him (or ever will).

''I love you.''

You jump.

And then...

Darkness.

**I'm sorry if this is too tragic for you, but I like it. It is a little depressing, though... Anyway, review! Bye**


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